My loving family has always teased me for being the queen of the non sequitur. It’s true, I have been known to ask a question or enter a comment into a discussion, that has completely nothing to do with the topic at hand! It’s not that I haven’t been listening, it’s just that I’m somewhat prone to verbalise any random thought that passes through my mind… personally I think it makes for a much more interesting time!

Since being in Sicily I have discovered this propensity for the non sequitur everywhere on the TV. Italian television is a breed unto its own and very confusing but highly amusing! Now I can’t pretend to understand everything being said on TV, they speak so fast, but I get the gist of it, if I concentrate.

So as an example, I caught a bit of a show today that looked like it was trying to be some sort of current affairs come discussion show. The set was hilarious. A mocked up piazza with cardboard cafe and shop fronts and the audience sitting around tables behind the panel who were also seated at a table. The poor audience were completely on show behind the hosts and did their best to remain poker faced.

So from what I could gather the panel were talking to a lawyer attached to a case of two children’s murders. There seemed to be some sort of insinuation that the mafia were involved in the innocent deaths of a 3 yr old and 7 month old baby. Gabriella my housemate was also rabbiting in my ear about how terrible this tragedy was and I was nodding along in sympathy not really understanding any of the details. But you know, this was a serious story… However, the next thing I  know this story is over and it’s time for the resident Astrologer to give his daily forecast! Gabrielle excitedly turns the TV up so she can listen to her Star Sign’s forecast because (as she tells me) he is very accurate! I’m not really sure what one had to do with the other but these two things were part of the same show!

Another example of a TV show with an identity crisis was a show I caught a bit of on Saturday night. From the ads, I thought it was a kind of Italy’s got talent show. There were 4 fine judges and a motley and disparate assortment of “talent!” First up an intensly enthusiastic middle-aged male singer who couldn’t sing. Then an equally enthusiastic, wannabe dancer. Also male, he wore leggings, a tshirt that said “leone” on it and a leopard skin cap! He proceeded to prance around and show that he had no moves whatsoever. The judges all made comments and then the audience gets to decide who will go thru to the next round via an electronic voting system. A woman holds up the tablet with the resounding figure of 92% next to the NO sign. Think that’s the end of it? No, it isnt. One of the judges takes pity on him and wants to give him another chance so hops in on the act to help him convince the audience. This judge is a 50 something balding man in a dapper suit who starts strutting his stuff along with the pathetic contestant and soon the whole audience is cheering them both on as they girate “sexily” to the music. New score – 75% now say YES to this man continuing in the contest!

Next up we witness the very, very, professional antics of a stunt motorcycle team who have been set up outside the studio with ramps and safety nets etc… There is no doubt they are talented and polished performers in the art of motorcycle flips and have probably been performing professionally for years! They finish to thunderous applause and then the bikies offer the two female hosts/judges to a ride on their back seats. “I’m so scared!” they both exclaim but proceed to get on the back of the motorcycles anyway. Enthusiastic cheering as the camera pans in on their terrified faces as they take off at speed. Not sure there was any judging involved in this “act”!

Ad break and I’m laughing with Gabriella and asking her what is this show supposed to be about? By now I have started tuning out somewhat and I’m looking at Facebook on my tablet and am vaguely aware of another couple of female singers trying their hardest and a magician from England!

Another ad break and (then this is where the show really loses the plot!) the set has been changed. The tone of the intro music also changes and there is suddenly a young 20 something girl who comes out and sits on a chair and looks straight into the camera and says in a serious and sad voice “I am an orphan.” Photos, flash on a screen behind her as she talks. From what I could gather, her parents have been killed and she is now all alone in the world. The camera pans between the judges faces as they register their horror and grief at this girls story. By now I am totally lost and have no idea what is going on. Then a second older woman comes out and sits alongside this girl and with tears in her eyes proceeds to tell her story. She has lost her 18yr old son, also murdered I think. Between the two of them they have now moved all the judges and quite a lot of the audience to tears, as the camera continues to pan to them.

The older woman says something along the lines of “a man who does these things is not a man.” The judges all nod in agreement and the old 50 something judge gets up and walks up beside this woman, holds her shoulders, looks into the camera and says (I think) “se questo è un uomo, io non sono un uomo.” Translated –  “if this is a man then I am not a man.” The other male judges  get up and join him and say this as well. Then they encourage members of the audience up to join them too. Soon the two women are surrounded by all the male audience members who are passing the microphone around saying this mantra! Every female in the place is on the verge of tears and I know I am witness to something totally heroic and moving!

So was this the non sequitur of all non sequiturs? Is Italian television just carrying on in Fellinis legacy? And heaven’s above does this mean, I am truly a Sicilian because I also have this tendency?

I was going to post the links to the Utube videos of some of these scenes I have described but I  couldn’t for some reason. If you want to have a giggle then search “Tu si que vales” and various episodes of the show will be there. The scene with the dancer is titled “Leone (Antonio Quattrocchi)” the scene with the orphan is titled “Se questo è un uomo io non sono un uomo.”