At the close of another year my mind scatters in a million directions – one minute in memory, the next in dreaming. So much has happened this past year that has caused shifts and cracks in the lay of my land like the rumblings of an earthquake rising to the surface. There has been no stability, no settling, few calm seas or still skies.

The year has been like a huge weather system – high-pressure systems swirling into low-pressure systems bringing continual change. Many times I have felt like a rudderless boat at the mercy of the ocean. A lone sailor tossed about in heaving seas I’ve lain exhausted in the bottom of my boat. Many times have I stared at the never-ending horizon and believed there was nothing beyond it. I’ve felt lost at sea, alone in my pain and drowning in the wash of my tears.

Eventually, but slowly, the clouds began to scuttle away and reveal glimpses of blue sky. I began to surrender, to hold up my white flag and call out to the heavens. And as I did, my dreaming surfaced again. The clouds began to morph into angel wings and cherubs with smiling faces. I began to feel beyond the weather, sit at a distance from the pain, observe the waves and understand that everything is just passing thru. I began to like my boat.

Tonight I lie looking at the sky and feel my imagination stir. There are painted pictures in my mind again. I’m ready to give my battered boat a fresh coat of paint and a new rudder and launch it anew into the sea of life. I am ready for new adventures and sailing to new horizons. The vast unknown no longer scares me.

I have always believed in magic. I still do. I have always believed in love. I still do. I have not always believed in myself but now I do! I may have been knocked to the ground and battered by the weather and the shifting ground but I am rising to my feet.

I feel released and relieved and I’ve begun to breathe again. I know how much of life is an illusion but I am an artist and I can create new realities for myself. I will always have memories but I choose to only remember the good ones and be grateful for the painful ones that have taught me who I am. It is my dreams that will carry me forward now.